The Point of Divergence

Author: Sarah Sell, MA, BCBA

  • My Experience Masking with AuDHD

    My Experience Masking with AuDHD

    So very confused

    When I was little, I remember watching a little boy dress up as a fireman and a little girl as a doctor and they pretended to save each other.

    Four-year-old-me felt confused watching them play—not because I didn’t understand why they were playing together, but because I didn’t understand how.

    I didn’t know how to invite others to play, join them, or engage with them continuously. I wondered, are there instructions for playing with friends?


    By the time I was ten, I noticed friend groups forming around me. I observed other kids playing and laughing together, listening carefully to what they said, trying to discover some sort of pattern I could emulate. I often thought, how do they know what to say to each other?

    I had friends, or rather, friends found me. I learned that it was easier to listen than to talk and risk saying the wrong thing. Some people seemed to appreciate my quiet demeanor, I was the “quiet girl.”

    Others, however, disliked how little I spoke. They were not afraid to let me know, and I felt very insecure about it.

    Building a better mask

    I thought everything would change once I became independent in college. I hoped I would eventually understand social interactions or grow out of naivety.

    That didn’t happen. So, I started reading books about making friends, small talk, and networking. I even switched my major to psychology, which helped me gain insight into how people function and think.

    When I engage in conversation, I have to remind myself to smile, make eye contact (but not too much), analyze others’ tone for sarcasm and words for metaphor (and translate into memorized definitions), think of appropriate responses, and control my tone.

    Frankly, it’s exhausting.


    Participating in group conversations is especially challenging because there are no clear rules about when I should speak. I sometimes say things that are inappropriate in tone or context, but I don’t realize until I get a clear reaction from others.

    For a neurodivergent person, masking or camouflaging refers to changing behaviors to fit in or hide neurodivergent traits (like pretending to understand sarcasm or suppressing stimming).

    I faced challenges forming and maintaining relationships my entire life. The better I built my mask, the more friendships I had. However, masking can lead to severe burnout. For myself, the result was anxiety and depression.

    The mask debate

    The debate: to mask or not to mask?

    On one hand, not masking can impact career and relationship stability or progression, potentially leading to isolation and negative mental health outcomes. Some consider masking to be a privilege that allows neurodivergent individuals to integrate into society.

    On the other hand, masking can also negatively impact mental and physical health. It is both unsustainable and unfair—why can’t I be accepted as I am?

    I am learning how to unmask and who I feel comfortable unmasking with. Unmasking for me is a vulnerable state and takes unlearning habits that I spent years forming. I still mask a majority of the time, though I set better boundaries on recovery time to buffer the negative effects.

    I’ve also learned some helpful skills and tricks, like asking someone politely if they intended a comment to be sarcastic. And now my partner is used to me sitting directly next to him at restaurants, as eye contact from directly across the table is challenging for me.

    Acceptance and community

    Growing up, I often felt like an alien from outer space, as if I were a character in a movie, being watched while trying to play a part without a script. I am learning to accept that I will never fully understand other people, and that my mask is both a survival skill and harmful in many ways.

    I am so grateful to now know that I am not alone in facing this challenge. In fact, I have a community who understands and accepts me. I hope that as a society, we can learn to recognize and accept neurodivergent traits to reduce bullying and social exclusion for those who do not mask. Until then, my dear neurodivergent friends, let’s continue to support and learn from each other.*

    *Especially those without a voice or a platform

  • Understanding Neurodiversity: Embracing Unique Minds

    Understanding Neurodiversity: Embracing Unique Minds

    Definitions

    Neurodiversity is a growing concept started by the autistic community1 that acknowledges the natural differences in how individuals process and experience the world. The neurodiversity movement highlights that no two brains function the same, normalizing variations in neurology and psychology.2

    Within the neurodiversity framework, there are two subclassifications: neurotypical and neurodivergent.3

    Neurotypical refers to someone whose neurological experience falls within the average range of variability. It’s important to note that what constitutes “normal” brain functioning is subjective and influenced by societal and cultural expectations.

    Neurodivergent describes individuals who have a neurological condition or variation that significantly affects how they behave, process information, or experience the world. Neurodivergence may or may not pertain to a diagnosable condition or disability.

    Why is the terminology important?

    Some individuals who are not comfortable disclosing their conditions may choose to primarily identify as neurodivergent to express their need for accommodation and understanding while maintaining their privacy.

    Additionally, it is common for there to be co-occurring conditions wherein a person may identify as neurodivergent to encompass multiple impacting traits.2

    Examples of neurodivergence

    A neurodivergent brain may demonstrate differences in functioning that impact the following:

    • Attention span
    • Short term and long term memory
    • Sensory processing
    • Planning and organizing
    • Emotional regulation
    • Cognitive flexibility
    • Creativity
    • Problem solving
    • Pattern recognition
    • Motivation

    Embracing neurodiversity

    When society is designed to support only one way of being, people are left behind. This exclusion can hinder social connection, limit access to basic needs, and negatively impact mental and physical well-being, as well as career stability and success.

    Embracing neurodiversity starts with awareness and acceptance.

    • Awareness requires actively listening to different perspectives and seeking educational experiences. This includes:
      • Listening to neurodivergent experiences
      • Reading about topics related to neurodiversity
      • Asking questions to understand neurodivergence
    • Acceptance means respecting neurodiverse needs, voices, and experiences. This includes:
      • Developing relationships with neurodivergent people
      • Supporting appropriate boundaries and self-advocacy
      • Including neurodivergent voices in decision-making
      • Adapting the environment to meet neurodiverse needs

    Just like the variations in our physical bodies, neurodiversity is a fundamental aspect of what makes life beautiful. Embracing neurodiversity allows each person to be unique and enhances our ability to love others for their individuality, as well as the connections we share.

    Note on disability

    It’s also important to acknowledge that acceptance of neurodiversity does not lessen the significance of any disability. Disabled individuals may face severe challenges in a world that is not, or cannot be, adapted to accommodate their condition. Emphasizing understanding, inclusion, and appropriate support is vital for enabling those with disabilities to engage safely in day to day life.

    References

    1. Monique Botha, Robert Chapman, Morénike Giwa Onaiwu, Steven K. Kapp, Abs Stannard Ashley, and Nick Walker, “The neurodiversity concept was developed collectively: An overdue correction on the origins of neurodiversity theory,” Autism 28, no. 6 (2024): 1591-1594. https://doi.org/10.1177/13623613241237871
    2. “Neurodiversity,” National Library of Medicine, accessed December 8th, 2025. https://www.nnlm.gov/reading-club/topic/331
    3. “Neurodivergent,” Cleveland Clinic, accessed December 8th, 2025. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/23154-neurodivergent
  • Laundry Accommodations for Sensory Challenges

    Laundry Accommodations for Sensory Challenges

    Whether you have dirty clothes layered on your floor or a pile of neglected clean clothes piled on a chair you never get to sit on, laundry can be extra challenging to complete for those with sensory aversions.

    You might not yet know what about laundry makes it so unbearable for you. If so, I encourage you to practice mindfulness next time you need to do laundry. As you start the task, pay attention to any discomfort, annoyance, or difficulty you have.

    There may be a sensory experience that stands out to you; if so, look for some ideas and advice below. Or you may get distracted frequently and find that the task is under-stimulating. I will be addressing this in a future article. Subscribe to PoD make sure you don’t miss it!

    Remember, you don’t need to complete the laundry all at once. You can take breaks, keep clean clothes in baskets, and fold the clothes when you’re ready. If the clothes get wrinkled from being left in a pile, use a steam gun or an iron to fix them right up.

    If your laundry sensory aversion is…

    Noise

    Whether it’s the water rushing into the washer, the chugging of turning clothes, or the clicking of the zipper on that one pair of jeans in the dryer. Washing and drying laundry is LOUD. Don’t even get me started on the noisiness of laundromats (if you know, you know).

    For my (un)lucky friends spending their Saturdays waiting for open machines at the laundromat, I recommend stepping outside to take breaks, using noise-cancelling ear buds/headphones (music optional), or maybe asking a laundromat employee when the slowest business hours are.

    For the home setting, consider adding noise-reducing wall panels in the laundry room, keeping the door closed when laundry is running, and ensuring that the laundry in top-load washers is evenly distributed. You can also play some music or use noise-cancelling headphones at home.

    Smell

    Not all of us relate to the actors deeply inhaling the smell of clean clothes against their faces in laundry detergent commercials.

    If the smell of laundry detergent bothers you, opt for the free-and-clear versions of detergent and fabric softener. Bonus points if you use wool balls in the dryer instead of fabric softener to decrease static and fluff your clothes. Free-and-clear products tend to have a slight clean scent without harsh fragrances, whereas wool balls will not contribute any smell.

    Consider adding baking soda to the washer to help deodorize stinky clothes, or vinegar as a liquid fabric softener. However, do not combine both in one wash, as they neutralize each other, and make sure that they are safe for the type of fabric you are washing. Check out this article from The Spruce for more information.

    Touch

    My hands feel dry just thinking about folding laundry. If touching clean fabrics makes your hands feel like they are shriveling from dehydration, keep a bottle of lotion nearby as you fold your clothes. Use on your hands as needed to relieve dryness.

    If the texture or wetness of the fabrics bothers you, consider wearing disposable gloves or dishwashing gloves. You can also hang clothes or use folding boards to minimize contact with them.

    Sight

    A pile of shirts, pants, socks, and underwear in different colors and patterns can be overwhelming. If you have enough laundry for a few washes, you might start by sorting the dirty clothes by dark colors (black, grey, deep colors), bright colors (yellow, orange, red, green, purple), and light colors (whites and creams). This has the added benefit of protecting your clothes from color bleeding.

    If you want to clean all your clothes together, you can always sort them by color after they are dry, if it reduces visual stress. Additionally, you could sort the clothes by type. I like to separate shirts, pants, and undergarments before I fold everything. This also creates a routine so that I don’t have to mentally switch between different methods of folding and hanging clothes.

    I hope some of these ideas help! If you have any ideas that I haven’t mentioned, please comment below to share with the community.

  • My AuDHD Diagnosis: Everything and Nothing Changed

    My AuDHD Diagnosis: Everything and Nothing Changed

    Hello! My name is Sarah, and I’m writing this story with great uncertainty about the impact it will have on my life. This is the first time I am sharing my journey with autism and ADHD—often called AuDHD.

    Reaching my diagnosis was an arduous experience, and I hope that telling my story will make it easier for others to tell their own stories so they can be better understood and accepted.

    As a child, I could sleep for up to 14 hours and still wake up feeling tired. I was shy, socially nervous, and I held a lot of frustration inside myself. I picked at my skin when overwhelmed. My appetite was also minimal and inconsistent.

    The doctors ran all sorts of tests—blood work, ultrasounds, EKGs, and a stress test. The doctors seemed to run out of ideas, and they sent me on my way. My parents were trying to be supportive of my reported challenges, but what else could they do at that point?

    The hardest part wasn’t the lack of answers but the resulting doubt in my own reality. I learned the word hypochondriac on Google and started to believe that word described me.

    *Hypochondriac: “a person who continuously worries about their health without having any reason to do so.” Cambridge Dictionary. “Hypochondriac.” @CambridgeWords, 22 Oct. 2025, dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/hypochondriac. Accessed 23 Oct. 2025.

    Four years ago, I began working with children with developmental disabilities. The kids helped me understand and accept myself better. I started to wonder if I could be autistic.

    Initially, fear held me back—I feared that talking to a psychiatrist would lead to more dismissal. I frequently scheduled, rescheduled, and canceled appointments, oscillating between certainty and doubt that my challenges were worth addressing.

    During a routine check up, a new physician was reviewing my medical history. She asked me if my history of anxiety had been fully addressed. She was the first doctor that had ever cared to talk to me about my medical history instead of just reading the charts. I told the doctor, “I don’t think that my anxiety is just anxiety.” Without further questions, she provided a psychiatric referral.

    Within 15 minutes of my first appointment with a psychiatrist, I was recommended an evaluation for autism spectrum disorder. After receiving the results of the assessment (Autism and ADHD) it felt like everything and nothing changed.

    The symptoms stumping many doctors finally made sense, reframed as hypersensitivity, sensory aversions, autistic burnout, and resistance to change and transitions.

    If I chose to never tell anyone about the news, no one would be the wiser. But I had already spent most of my life trying to stretch myself to fit into a box that felt impossible to fill. Instead, I began a journey of embracing my neurodivergence, advocating for acceptance as I am, and learning from the greater neurodivergent community.

    As I started sharing my diagnosis with close friends and colleagues, many opened up with questions regarding their neurotypes. A common question that stemmed was, “What’s the point of getting assessed as an adult?” 

    For me personally, a diagnosis provided a single answer to many questions I have asked about myself. But that is just what my path was, and everyone’s path is unique.

    To anyone contemplating the value of an assessment or diagnosis, I want to emphasize that your feelings and struggles are valid. Regardless of your path—whether you pursue a diagnosis or not—know that you deserve support and acceptance as you are.